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And You May Find Yourself...Confessions of a Late-Blooming Gen X Weirdo
And You May Find Yourself… by Gen-X author Sari Botton, is about “finding” yourself later in life—after first getting lost in all the wrong places. As Botton discovers, the wrong places famously include her own self-suppression and misguided efforts to please others (mostly men). In a series of candid, reflective, sometimes humorous essays, Botton describes coming to feminism and self-actualization as an older person, second (and third and fourth) chances—and how maybe it’s never too late to find your way…assuming you’re lucky enough to live long.
While mainly presented in a chronological arc, the stories in this episodic memoir lend themselves to being read in order, or individually, as stand-alone pieces.
While mainly presented in a chronological arc, the stories in this episodic memoir lend themselves to being read in order, or individually, as stand-alone pieces.
Published January 1, 2022
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October 27, 2022Botton has one of the rarest and best qualities as writer, for my money anyway, this ability to write writing that makes you, the little worm at home, know that you too can write writing, and that writing is work and that you ought to do it, or you might as well, if you are one of these writer types who is going to anyway. You might as well just admit it's what you do.
I love to read her, it sets me straight.
This conversational collection takes a clear cool eye right into the stupid little smirk of the abyss and then steps out completely in possession of itself and strides through the world.
Very good, a very good read.
I love to read her, it sets me straight.
This conversational collection takes a clear cool eye right into the stupid little smirk of the abyss and then steps out completely in possession of itself and strides through the world.
Very good, a very good read.
August 14, 2022
I’ve long admired Sari Botton as a writer and as an editor, so it was a true pleasure to finally hold a book that’s all her own in my hands. I found this memoir compulsively readable, offering an incredibly open look at the author’s life and how she’s made her heart vulnerable over more than five decades. What I found most moving was the patience and grace she gives her younger self. Like so many people, she made mistakes in her youth, but she reflects back with such honesty and hard-won wisdom, Botton is a model for us all. I particularly loved the essay about her tattoo and the last few pages — about listening to your heart and knowing when to take life’s great leaps.
July 6, 2022
“Attracting and holding the male gaze—whether or not I wanted the particular male doing the gazing—was the object of a game I learned unconsciously at a very young age, as if by way of osmosis. It was hard to know what I wanted and needed, other than being wanted and needed, to be chosen by those with the power and prerogative to choose.”
Sari is not only an outstanding editor, she’s also a wonderful writer. She tackles big topics -- womanhood, friendships, body image, sex, careers, aging and mortality--with humor, insight, and hard-earned wisdom.
Sari is not only an outstanding editor, she’s also a wonderful writer. She tackles big topics -- womanhood, friendships, body image, sex, careers, aging and mortality--with humor, insight, and hard-earned wisdom.
September 25, 2022
I’m a millennial weirdo, not a Gen-X one, but Sari’s voice and stories resonated deeply with me: from embracing natural gray hair, to meeting a wonderful partner in my thirties after years of romantic frustration, to choosing not to be a mother. Highly recommend this book to anyone who feels like they’re taking the long way around in life — especially if you happen to be a writer.
October 5, 2023
Sari Bottons's memoirs, in the form of a collection of essays of varying lengths, are honest and introspective, almost confessional, as she herself admits. She describes herself as a late bloomer, which I honestly think applies to many of us Gen-Xers, and her personal story is one of self-doubt and false starts, taking her at long last to a state of some stability in her mid-fifties. She's a writer who lived in New York City for most of her adult life, so she's had a life much different than mine (though we seem to be almost exactly the same age). Nonetheless, familiar themes of rootlessness and instability resonate in both of our biographies. If you're from our birth cohort, you might recognize these themes in your life as well.
Botton's memoirs are divided into three sections; one covering growing up, another her dating experiences as a young adult (what you might call her "Sex and the City" section), and finally her career, moving from one short-lived writing job to another. Her style is frank, intelligent, humorous, self-deprecating, and also defiant. Very Gen-X. I appreciated very much that she shared her life story, and gave me the chance to see the world through the eyes of someone born around the same time as me, but in a place much different, and yet so much the same.
Botton's memoirs are divided into three sections; one covering growing up, another her dating experiences as a young adult (what you might call her "Sex and the City" section), and finally her career, moving from one short-lived writing job to another. Her style is frank, intelligent, humorous, self-deprecating, and also defiant. Very Gen-X. I appreciated very much that she shared her life story, and gave me the chance to see the world through the eyes of someone born around the same time as me, but in a place much different, and yet so much the same.
November 6, 2022
And You May Find Yourself ... is a powerful memoir in essays. I've tried to read other memoirs recently and the tension and pain were too raw--too much for me--like one continual accident scene. But this one was a pleasure to keep picking up. I loved the focus on the complexities of the “ordinary” building unrelenting pressure to be something other than yourself. This is a wonderful mix of honest inquiry into being alive and all the complications that come from living fully.
July 2, 2022
This is an honest, funny, and wonderful memoir in essays. I know the author so I may be a bit biased but I enjoyed every moment of reading it. I identified with this book on so many levels and am only sorry that I read it so quickly.
June 25, 2022
This book felt like having a conversation with a friend who goes deep and wide with her truth bombs about life, womanhood, body image, sex, relationships, writing, aging and all the other juicy stuff I love to talk about.
Favorite quotes:
“'She’s busy finding herself…' It seemed as if there was shame in admitting that the life you’d chosen hadn’t worked out the way you’d hoped—confessing that you needed to regroup, or embark on some kind of expedition, literal or figurative, toward self-rediscovery. Instead, you were supposed to quit complaining and lie in the bed you’d made for yourself."
"I hated our patriarchal, capitalist culture, which has frequently made me hate myself for not living up to its unattainable ideals of femininity—which is the whole point. Capitalism creates problems that are impossible to solve and then tries to sell you solutions that in the long run don’t work. That’s how we wound up with a $71 billion diet industry."
Favorite quotes:
“'She’s busy finding herself…' It seemed as if there was shame in admitting that the life you’d chosen hadn’t worked out the way you’d hoped—confessing that you needed to regroup, or embark on some kind of expedition, literal or figurative, toward self-rediscovery. Instead, you were supposed to quit complaining and lie in the bed you’d made for yourself."
"I hated our patriarchal, capitalist culture, which has frequently made me hate myself for not living up to its unattainable ideals of femininity—which is the whole point. Capitalism creates problems that are impossible to solve and then tries to sell you solutions that in the long run don’t work. That’s how we wound up with a $71 billion diet industry."
July 6, 2022
“Attracting and holding the male gaze—whether or not I wanted the particular male doing the gazing—was the object of a game I learned unconsciously at a very young age, as if by way of osmosis. It was hard to know what I wanted and needed, other than being wanted and needed, to be chosen by those with the power and prerogative to choose.”
Sari is not only an outstanding editor, she’s also a wonderful writer. She tackles big topics -- womanhood, friendships, body image, sex, careers, aging and mortality--with humor, insight, and hard-earned wisdom.
Sari is not only an outstanding editor, she’s also a wonderful writer. She tackles big topics -- womanhood, friendships, body image, sex, careers, aging and mortality--with humor, insight, and hard-earned wisdom.
January 21, 2023
I'm a Chicago-dwelling elder millennial who works a corporate day job so I have the money and the bandwidth to write and publish, and I absolutely adored AND YOU MAY FIND YOURSELF... Sari tells the truth in a funny and meaningful way, and she's basically the friend you'd go get coffee and a tattoo with. Highly recommend this satisfying read, a reflection of who we were, who we are, and who we will be. <3
August 1, 2023
I enjoyed this book. Thanks for your story, Sari! ...even if you feel Sari "...that I have not lived an exceptional life. I did not survive some horrific accident. I did not win the lottery or endure remarkably unfortunate circumstances." As with the TMI group's stories, each personal story is a clue to others and their understanding of the world, and therefore a clue to how to navigate my own path.
I'm happy to see the memoir comment on the funnel that capitalism has for careers, and it is educational to see how a successful published writer like you has as much uncertainty as my friends who have photographed for National Geographic. They can make it by doing what they're great at, what they love... but just barely. I particularly enjoyed the book's trajectory in the direction of the familiar meme-- you can live happily ever after if you just do what you love "if you dare to tune out everyone else’s voices, then make choices in keeping with who you truly know yourself to be, it’s possible to make a life that’s genuinely fulfilling."-- and then have that trajectory turned upside down by the COVID crisis and the corresponding economic changes.
I'm happy to see the memoir comment on the funnel that capitalism has for careers, and it is educational to see how a successful published writer like you has as much uncertainty as my friends who have photographed for National Geographic. They can make it by doing what they're great at, what they love... but just barely. I particularly enjoyed the book's trajectory in the direction of the familiar meme-- you can live happily ever after if you just do what you love "if you dare to tune out everyone else’s voices, then make choices in keeping with who you truly know yourself to be, it’s possible to make a life that’s genuinely fulfilling."-- and then have that trajectory turned upside down by the COVID crisis and the corresponding economic changes.
November 1, 2022
I love when a memoir feels like a conversation. I logically know Sari Botton is not speaking directly with ME in “And You May Find Yourself: Confessions of a Late-Blooming Gen-X Weirdo." Of course a book is not a two-way exchange…yet I kept forgetting this while reading.
I found Botton’s story to be so relatable, not just because I am also Gen X and share some similar perspectives, but also because l dated in New York City around the same time, was also a struggling writer, and also a child of divorce. I suspect many are connecting with the various experiences she shares in this intimate, real, and clear memoir. In these pages, she admits things many of us keep quiet. She examines her imperfections. She takes us through her challenges with both wit and a sense of gravity. I recommend.
I found Botton’s story to be so relatable, not just because I am also Gen X and share some similar perspectives, but also because l dated in New York City around the same time, was also a struggling writer, and also a child of divorce. I suspect many are connecting with the various experiences she shares in this intimate, real, and clear memoir. In these pages, she admits things many of us keep quiet. She examines her imperfections. She takes us through her challenges with both wit and a sense of gravity. I recommend.
February 28, 2023
While I am barely a Gen X'er (born in 1978), Sari Botton has disturbingly told my story through her experience. Hilarious and vulnerable, this collection of stories that make up a particular life is aptly named, And You May Find Yourself... Not just a wink to the iconic Talking Heads song, but in that, you may find yourself in these stories no matter where you are or what you have been through. Some experiences illuminate the dark bits, all the luscious awkwardness, and then ultimately, as the star of your show. Each story leaves you wondering what else about yourself will be revealed as you go on this relatable and equally heartbreaking journey as it is a heartwarming journey with Sari Botton.
December 31, 2022
I love this collection of essays. I can relate to Sari's struggle to find her identity -and especially enjoyed the essays examining her relationships with men. She speaks frankly also about the challenges of being a writer today. Highly recommend.
July 10, 2022
Sari's memoir in essays is an engaging exploration of a life lived both at the behest of others and also fearlessly in pursuit of a dream. The author achieves freedom and contentment once she realizes the only approval she needs to seek out is her own. A satisfying narrative arc accompanied by fascinating details of what It's like to work in the publishing industry. Highly recommended!
This entire review has been hidden because of spoilers.
December 20, 2023
Entertaining but I felt totally guilty for all the pressure I and my mother's generation saddled on you girls.
July 12, 2022
A late-blooming Gen X weirdo - the title jumped out at me as I was browsing at a local coffee shop/bookstore. That was so relatable I bought it before I even read the book description. 😊 I was not disappointed. My life was so different yet so similar to the author’s that it was at points cathartic and at other points a touch painful to read. I appreciated her humor, her honesty, and her vulnerability as she looked back at choices made, lessons learned, wins, and losses. It moved me and I am so glad I spontaneously purchased this wonderful book. Definitely worth reading!
June 29, 2022
Wonderful work—it gave this Jewish Gen X’er with an erratic life course too influenced by unworthy boyfriends A LOT to identify with. I enjoyed the humor, the irreverence, the great prose, and the reflections on life and mortality.
October 3, 2022
I laughed out loud many times as I devoured this memoir over the course of a weekend. Told in a string of essays organized around the idea of finding herself in unforeseeable situations, Sari Botton's memoir is a lesson in organizing the story of five-plus decades of living a creative life. Her essays all follow a confessional line of looking for herself as she hammers out a career as a writer, falls for a string of unavailable men, struggles against an eating disorder, and tries to fit in with the cool kids into punk and indie rock when all she really wants is to sing show tunes.
The subtitle: Confessions of a Late-blooming Gen X Weirdo and the fact that every one of her essays resonated, convinced me that I too am a late-blooming Gen X weirdo. She also manages to convince this writer who's managed a creative life and never seriously considered doing otherwise that that's okay. It was a joy to feel validated on every page while traveling through the sometimes heartbreaking, but more often hilarious episodes of Sari Botton's life.
The subtitle: Confessions of a Late-blooming Gen X Weirdo and the fact that every one of her essays resonated, convinced me that I too am a late-blooming Gen X weirdo. She also manages to convince this writer who's managed a creative life and never seriously considered doing otherwise that that's okay. It was a joy to feel validated on every page while traveling through the sometimes heartbreaking, but more often hilarious episodes of Sari Botton's life.
May 26, 2023
Sari Botton's memoir is for every woman who's tried to find her authentic self, only to keep running into someone else. Throughout a life of shape-shifting--to avoid shunning by mean girls in junior high; to please a string of "Mr. Wrongs"; to gain the approval of one or another of her therapists; and to fit in with dream jobs that ended up as nightmares--Botton maintained her sense of humor and her belief that someday it would all come together. Even though I'm a Boomer, not a GenX-er, I found myself nodding again and again as the author took detour after detour in the wrong direction--until she finally found the right turn. Highly recommend.
September 5, 2022
I'm so happy that I found this book - or that it found me. I heard the author interviewed on my favorite podcast, Everything is Fine, and then saw this book on display while visiting an indie bookstore Oblong Books in Rhinebeck. So glad I bought it! Loved the author's writing style - laugh out loud moments combined with generously shared vulnerability. She gave so much of herself in this book and still I hope for more, maybe a sequel.
September 19, 2022
Based on the other reviews given, I really wanted to like this a lot more than I did. I appreciate her honesty and willingness to tell the truth about issues many women face. But the actual essays themselves where not especially grabbing to my interest and I found myself skimming over many of them. According to reviews, I am in the minority in my views. So take my opinion with a grain of salt because someone else may enjoy it a lot more. But her style of writing was not for me.
October 23, 2022
Gen X in a bottle
Reading this felt like a cozy cup of coffee with an old friend who doesn't hold back. It's a future gen-x classic.
Reading this felt like a cozy cup of coffee with an old friend who doesn't hold back. It's a future gen-x classic.
March 31, 2023
Enjoyed these Gen X essays. Honest writing voice about the messines of life. How things don't stay inside the lines. Loved the honesty.
August 5, 2022
Delving deeply into the personal, Sari Botton illuminates issues that affect many, and I imagine this to be especially true for women. On such topics as self image, career, relationships, living authentically versus safely, cultural imperatives around bearing children, and more, Botton holds nothing back in describing her own struggles, sharing hard-won insights with wit and wisdom. She is fiercely honest and utterly relatable, and, after an absorbing read, I came away feeling more accepting of my own struggling self.
July 13, 2022
Sari Botton is an excellent writer, I found her prose very enjoyable to read. The book is made up of individual stories that add up to a sort of memoir. Being nearly the exact same age, there was much that I could relate to about her past relationships and her struggles to be a working artist in a culture where artists are undervalued.
April 7, 2023
I love a book of personal essays like this. I love feeling like I have access to a person’s inner-most thoughts, and that they are willing to share such personal information about themselves. These essays were very well-written, mostly interesting. Sometimes she seems like a goody-goody, but I think she knows that and just rolls with it. I am still amazed that someone could have such terrible taste in men, consistently. However, she did find someone good, so that’s a relief.
October 1, 2022
A wonderful memoir in essays- wry, funny, artful— I liked it so much I blurbed it.
Displaying 1 - 28 of 28 reviews