Halloween is looming — and with it, all things terrifying and scary. It's that cool kind of scary, though — shrieking from house to house, our fear rewarded with candy and all the good stuff. It’s one of the few times when fear gets to be fun.
When it comes to every other day of the year, however, fear can be an altogether different experience, especially when it’s self-created and gets in the way of the “good stuff” we truly want.
Self-created fear is far different from the natural, functional kind of fear we experience in response to immediate danger. That’s useful. Though it can seem otherwise, self-created fear is rarely real or true but rather thought-driven and grounded in what might happen, not what is happening in the moment. The only thing that's real is the emotional and physiological aspect: worry, anxiety, anger, confusion. Not so useful.
Sometimes fear shows up when our heart is pulling us toward something important to us but that we’re still uncertain or apprehensive about or that we imagine will have a negative outcome (a new company, a promotion, an entrepreneurial start, a potential relationship, any new challenge, etc.)
Truth is, we can’t always know the outcome and don’t really get to control it. The only thing we control is ourselves and our response.
Getting to the good stuff in life often means taking risks. And when risk is uncomfortable, we can become immobilized by a certain level of fear, which means new opportunities go unexplored, and we are therefore robbed of knowing fully what is meant to be for us.
But the good stuff can be had when we learn to take risks from a fearless and courageous place. The word "courage" comes from the Latin cor, meaning "heart." Living with courage involves staying connected to our heart and what matters most.
Mark Twain said, “Courage is resistance to fear, mastery of fear — not absence of fear.” The key lies in understanding our fear, accepting it and taking action in spite of it. Consider fear from a different perspective, as something to notice and manage rather than something that manages us.
• Understanding: What exactly are we afraid of or painfully uncertain about? Failure? Perhaps success, intimacy, appearing foolish, losing credibility, etc.? Fear begins to lose its power as soon as we acknowledge it. Gaining an understanding of fear and what causes us to be afraid actually helps us deal with it. Name it, and you begin to take back your power.
• Acceptance: Avoid the tendency to deny or judge fear. Simply try to welcome uncertainty. What are the small steps we can take in spite of being afraid? Taking a first step empowers us to take another, each one instilling more confidence to take the next. Connect to your heart and remember why you’re choosing to take the risk. Power lies in the why.
• Action: Until the pain of limitations caused by our fear is greater than the risk it takes to face it, we will continue to answer fear with a fight/flight/freeze response. Remember, it's likely that self-created fear is not real. Keep in mind what is real and stay connected to what your heart is pulling you toward. When fear, doubt and anxiety creep in, tap into that, trust it and move forward with a heart wide open.
For the sake of the “good stuff," summon up the courage to face and perhaps even embrace the scary. It takes time and patience to work through fear, but it's always worth it.
