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263 pages, Kindle Edition
First published November 16, 2018
I kissed his tattoo, each word, and read them, my lips dusting against his skin. “‘Do anything, but let it produce joy.’” I raised my head and met his gaze. “You bring me joy. You showed me, Royal… You reached in, and took away the shame, you told me I didn’t have to hide.”
And like I was the planet and he was the sun, I needed his heat to survive this, to remember to keep moving. Time would not stand still, and those dark hallways inside my head would see the daylight again.
Because of him. My golden light.
There was no way I could turn it off. This thing he’d lit inside of me. It burned too hot and I no longer cared for the world’s definition of normal. There was nothing normal in the way my cheeks heated simply because I got to watch him walk across that room. His eyes were on the crowd and there was nothing normal in the way I sat taller, hoping he would see me. And when his eyes finally found mine, there was definitely nothing normal about the way his face split into a million facets of light.
“God, Camden, I want to protect you from your asshole parents, from the world. Spend every minute like this, naked and hot. Underneath you, above you… inside you.” He bit his lip, and my heart tripped over itself, but I kept talking, somehow, my lips kept moving despite the way my hands had started to shake. “I want to know what it’s like to have you inside me. All of me, Camden. All of my flaws.” I smiled. “All of my imperfection. All of my body and heart and mind. It’s yours. Maybe six months from now it won’t feel this way, and I’ll have to take what we’ve given each other and grow from it. What I’m feeling, this steady thud…” I took his hand and placed it above my heart. “This need, this constant deep breath stuck in my lungs, until I saw your face, heard you play, touched you, until I could breathe, too. It’s love, it’s more, and it’s ours to share.”
❝I didn't think it would feel like this.❞
Camden placed his hands on my waist, his fingers grasping at the cotton of my sweatshirt. ❝Like what?❞ he asked.
❝I never want to stop kissing you. Like this could be enough, and I'd die a happy man.❞ I chuckled, but when he didn't respond I asked, ❝What about you? How do you feel?❞
❝The truth?❞
❝Yeah.❞
❝Like I can finally breathe.❞
The shape of his face was made up of shadows and stark angles, serious, as he whispered, ❝You're kind of perfect.❞
You're kind of perfect.
You're mine.
I'm yours.
I love you.
I love you, too.
Everything was too much and not enough. He could paint those tiny circles on my skin and I'd be content to stand in this very spot until the sun came up. He could ask me to leave, and I'd hope to see him tomorrow. He could kiss me until I could no longer feel my lips and I'd ask for more.
And the first note. Would be a drum. The sound of my heart finding his.
"You've always been able to see people beyond their borders."How wonderful was that?! AM Johnson really tugged at my heartstrings with this story of young love and finding one's place in the world. 😍
...loving out loud...in a world where standing up to bigotry and hatred can have real consequences.
He created music and I bent water. We were talent in all its forms wrapped inside flesh and bone.
He was different than most people. Most people were loud and predictable. Big bass with brass-trumpeted laughter. But Royal, he was too many instruments all in one, too many intricate notes, and I needed more time to hear each one.
“You make the quiet more bearable.”